Writing Resources from Fifteen Minutes of Fiction

Silence

MY BELLY KEEPS GETTING BIGGER; my breath is bad and my teeth are swollen and ache. My shorts are stained and smell bad. I have no pain. My two boys...you took my two boys away. Rocco and Randy. Take me; I don’t want to live in this world. You should have taken me, an old man who lived a good life. I had the bakery, a respected member of the community. And you blessed me the day you gave me Lucia, the prettiest lady in Rivers Falls. I remember the first time I saw her as if it was yesterday. Christmas Eve, 1946. The Strand Theater. I saw her once and I knew she would be my wife. She had these curls that fell from underneath her hat onto her shoulders. But she was so shy at first, only sixteen years old. But once her father saw my intentions were honorable things worked out.

Rocco and Randy. Take me. And this cocaine and heroin? What is this? I did not raise my boys to do drugs. You know this. I never let them smoke or drink beer. When they got older—of course they drink beer on their own. What could I do? But, you let my boys die from drugs.

Why?

Rocco. He was going to Notre Dame. Notre Dame. On a full football scholarship. Randy did graduate, but Rocco would have been the first in my family to graduate high school. Tina did well. The Bakery on Saturday morning, I loved the smell of the bread and I loved my boy Rocco helping out. First he could not lift the bags of flour, but soon he could carry two heavy bags at once. Before the games, it seemed all of Rivers Falls would stop in to say hello. Rocco was not just my son, he was Rivers Falls son. Yet you let him die of this drug stuff.

What is this?

Even the Irish cops come in and say hello and say, “Gataen, how your boy doing?” I slip them their free bread and say, “Rocco doing just fine.” They think the bread was to help Rocco out of trouble, but my Rocco never break no laws. The Irish just looking for free bread. I’d close the bakery early on Saturdays and the cops see me and let me in free. I did, I felt like a big shot. I sit in the stands and I hear people talking, saying, “That’s Rocco Petronelli’s father.” I filled up with pride. Now I lay in bed waiting to die.

Lucia. You blessed me with Lucia, yes you did. She talks to me all day; she’s not sure if I can understand, but I do. She refuses to be mad at you so I must. You took her two boys. Two. And you took her baby. Randy. Yes he was soft. Not half the man Rocco was, but how could you take her baby away and with this drug stuff—heroin. I just don’t get it.

My boys went to church; my girls went to church. Tina comes over all day. I’m sure she is disgusted with me. She always thought her mother waited on me too much before all this. She is right. Tina’s got a good husband but still no children. I have no grandchildren, but I’m not sure you not take my grandchildren away.

Maura. Maura. We just never—how do the young people say it—we just never clicked. Two magnets pushing each other apart. Her husband Carlos, I never thought much of him at first, but he has done right many times. When Rocco died, he there. When Randy died, he make all the calls. He stood beside Maura on that court thing. Not all husbands would. I know when I go, Carlos make sure Lucia has everything Lucia need. Carlos, you are a good man. But too late. My two sons are dead. I don’t think I’ve seen Maura once since the funeral. Doesn’t want children. Career woman. Won’t be happy till she has a house in Naples.

I make many mistakes, but all for my family. The first year the bakery very slow; cash register empty. Lucia pregnant; I make arrangements with Mr. Gagliardi. A good arrangement allows me to provide for my family. But a couple of things that happen, I sad about.

The Decosta boy beat up over fifty dollars. In hospital for four weeks. Doug Lima lies under the USS Massachusetts because of seventy-five dollars. To this day his family not know what really happened. Just think he walked out on five kids and a wife. Imagine five children growing up thinking their father deserted them.

All these years. I’d see them they all come in the bakery, the messy hair, the hand-me-down clothes. Their faces not scrubbed clean. I want to tell many times their father loved them he not desert them but how could I and jeopardize my own family. How could I? I pray the kids know their father loved them but was a weak man dumb with the horses.

His wife never remarried. How could she? All Rivers Falls not sure husband alive or dead. So she becomes friends with every hot-shot Rivers Falls cop. She feel lonely and scared, call and they come over. I’d drive by the house just to see if she okay. Not sure why I did that. Just drove by. Maybe I thought Lima rise from the bottom of Battleship Cove and return to his family. But I see the cruisers and it confused me.

I am a tired old man. I don’t worry about going to the bathroom, I just stay in bed. Lucia cleans me without a complaint. Let Lucia be free of me. She no deserve this. This you must know. She has her daughters. She has her friends. And she has the church and you. This I wonder. How can she still have faith in you? You took her two sons. I am no longer a husband. I do not speak. I am only a burden. I was a good provider, but not a good husband. This I know. The bakery was my love and took all my time. Lucia never complained, but I know she put her dreams away many years ago. I could see it in her eyes. No one else could. But I could. She never complains. She never wants. You take away her two sons and she still believes in you. You know if you had more people like my wife in your church, the Catholic Church would be the strongest in the world and not just the richest.

But I know the world is a very different place. There are no more Lucia’s. My own daughters—want-want-want. I never forget Maura’s birthday. She say, “Daddy, it’s going to be a very long time before a man gives me a Diamond ring,” so I go and buy her a diamond ring for her sixteenth birthday. Maybe, now, I know I should have bought her a bike.

My Rocco, he was good. Strong. Notre Dame. Everybody think the worst day of my life was when Rocco died. But no it was not. It was the day after Doug Lima disappeared. Lucia brings the kids to the bakery and sees me talking with Mr. Gagliardi. The look on Lucia’s face tells me she knows and that I disgust her. She takes the kids outside and we never speak of this evil relationship. She knew it was not a wife’s place.

I know Lucia will be all right. My daughters, this I don’t know. Tina seems to do the right thing for her mother. But Maura has chosen to stay away. I remember her mother tell me Maura brought her new best friend home from school and I look in the playroom and recognize one of the Lima girls. I look at Lucia and she look away. This girl, Emma, goes to the same college with Maura and I stayed away from graduation day. I don’t think Maura ever forgave me. Is this why she stays away know? I would not fault her. But her mother gave her everything. Be mad at me, not her mother.

Carlos, he’s another one. If you had more like Carlos, the Catholic Church would be so much stronger. I close my eyes now and I don’t expect you to do what I wish, but still I close my eyes and I only want to see my Rocco. Rocco. Rocco.

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