Writing Resources from Fifteen Minutes of Fiction

Santa's OSHA Troubles

Dear Mr. Claus,

My name is Stan Dard, and I am an OSHA (Occupational Safety & Health Administration) inspector. We recently received an anonymous tip regarding the working conditions at your Toy Factory. According to our anonymous source, the doors in your North Pole facility are only four feet tall.

Unfortunately, this violates our design and construction requirements for exit routes. According to our policies, all exit routes must include a door which is 7 feet six inches (2.3 meters) tall and 28 inches (71.1 centimeters) wide.

We believe your facility is in violation of these requirements. Accordingly, I will be on the next North Pole Express flight, to visit your factory.

Sincerely,
Stan Dard
OSHA Inspector



Dear Mr. Dard,

Thank you for your kind letter. I have been reviewing OSHA standards, and have discovered something which deeply troubles me. According to your regulations, stairway handrails must be at least 36 inches above the tread of the stairs.

My elves would never be able to reach a railing that high.

These building and construction regulations appear to be discriminatory toward my elves, and my lawyers will be in touch with you soon.

Merry Christmas,
Santa Claus
Claus Enterprises CEO

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