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Writing Resources from Fifteen Minutes of Fiction

The following is a piece of writing submitted by Michael K on February 6, 2008

I Know Everything That Is Knowable

At the moment of my birth, at that precise instant in time, I became possessed of all the knowledge of the universe.

Not just the knowledge of the human race, or even of the seventeen thousand four hundred fifty-one other sentient races which have risen since the dawn of time, but all the knowledge of the universe.

In the moment of my advent I did not just know all that was known, but all that was knowable. And if you are wondering how I can be sure that I know everything which is knowable...I even know the answer to that question as well.

Though I do not have the time or inclination to explain right now.

I know the names of the seven moons of the sixth planet orbiting the star of Xerligon Alpha, and I know the names of each of the kings of each of the empires that rose and fell during the eons before that star went supernova.

I know the exact amount of energy released by that horrific explosion, as well as the number of trees, insects, blades of grass, and grains of sand which were obliterated on that day.

I know precisely how many times you cheated on your spelling tests in sixth grade, and I know which words which you spelled incorrectly anyway. And yes, bookkeeper does have three sets of double letters, silly.

I didn't need to read Einstein's papers to know and understand his theories; I was born with that knowledge. I also know the fallacies that lie behind his reasoning.

I know the names of all the elements - not just the ones humans have discovered. I know the name of the smallest particle in the universe. It is not the atom. Nor is it the proton, neutron, electron, or even the quark. It is a recently discovered particle called the minnetron, which can only be created in a laboratory, and then, having been created, exists for approximately one trillionth of second before imploding upon itself and disappearing from the universe altogether. I also know that it is impossible to extend its lifespan by even an infinitesimal slice of time.

Which is why I'm in such a hurry to finish my autobiography.

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