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Writing > Users > Rabbit Stu > 2008

Writing Resources from Fifteen Minutes of Fiction

The following is a piece of writing submitted by Rabbit Stu on March 2, 2008
"Um, yeah, this really happened. Truly. :D"

Product Return and Exchange

Dear sir or dear madam, I have to confess
The product I purchased is causing much stress.
It doesn't work right, it's constantly failing;
My attempts to use it are all unavailing.
The day I first bought it, I wasn't amused
To find that its circuits were utterly fused.
It was scorched, it was baked, it was totally fried,
And wisps of black smoke poured out from inside.
No, I'm not kidding, and I'm not mistaken;
It smelled like a plate of overcooked bacon.
And out of its depths strange sounds were occurring;
All its cogs and its levers made an odd sort of whirring.
I thought these might be just quaint little quirks,
So I hooked it right up, to see how it works.

Oh, the sparks that did fly! Oh the ugly gray haze!
Oh, the billowing fumes, and the fires that did blaze!
Then all went quite dark, both outside and within;
I was frozen in place, from my bones to my skin,
And there would have stayed, to this very day,
But my wife has unplugged it and thrown it away.
And so dear sir (or kind ma'am), I insist
That you come to my aid, and do not resist;
Yes, a trade is a trade, and the transaction's complete
But I've sent back the product and attached the receipt,
Please send me my old one, or I'll go quite insane;
I can't carry on without a functioning brain.

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